Friday, April 04, 2014

Lawyers Needed!

Here's today's thesis for those who are hyper-busy and can only skim the contents: Hiring an attorney means he works for YOU, and will therefore be willing to say things that might sound silly coming from someone else. Following are three recent examples out of the news:

A county clerk in the Southwest somewhere refused to grant a marriage license to two women, who then brought suit against her. I don't know who paid for him, but a lawyer was soon brought in to defend the clerk, also a woman, against the suit.
The next thing you know, the lawyer was attempting to set the whole world straight on who does (and, more importantly) who doesn't get a marriage license. Ignoring marriages with fertility problems and those with brides and grooms too old to conceive, the brave barrister proceeded  to inform the court that marriages are primarily for reproductive purposes, which excludes one-gender unions. Gee, that was simple.

A player in the NFL was arrested for attacking his wife while they were in the elevator of a large hotel. Security tapes showed the woman in a state near unconsciousness. An attorney brought in to defend the guy assured everyone that the couple is "happy, and are in counseling". Does that phrase seem odd to anyone else?

Finally, New Jersey governor Chris Christie brought in a lawyer to help get him out of the little jam he's in due to the closing of several George Washington Bridge traffic lanes last fall, which turned the city of Fort Lee into a virtual parking lot.
At this level, the work of the mouthpiece gets pretty pricey. Legal fees soon topped $1 million, covered by the taxpayers of New Jersey, who hadn't, I guess, realized that they were on the governor's side.
At any rate, the attorney and a few lackeys produced a report of several hundred pages. all aimed at proving that the guv did no wrong, and didn't know anyone who had, at least until it was already done. The news media do not see this document as completely truthful, as they note that many principals in the whole business were not even consulted in the report.
Outside of gaining justice for his client, the attorney has just one concern - making sure the state's check for his services is good.   


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