Some Summer Stuff

I was minding my own business the other day, when wife enters the room and starts to ask my opinion of her shoes. I realize I may be in deep doo doo no matter what I say, and so I "dumb up" as much as possible to avoid giving an actual answer. It's then I realize things have changed in our now down-to-two household. We're missing a daughter or two. They're the ones who have always filled the role of fashion consultants. All I can do is get myself labeled a dope, buffoon or fashion flunkout. Maybe all three.

Have you considered the situation of Kevin Federline, former husband of Brittney Spears and the dad of her two kids? It's kind of a good news, bad news sort of thing. On the one hand, K Fed, as we hipsters call him, has a pretty easy gig as one of the world's richest stay-at-home dads. Plenty of money coming in - he could ride that train for years and have enough left over to buy himself a palace. On the other hand, he could lose it all if he doesn't keep custody of the two little Feds, and that could be done pretty easily just by having the wrong refreshments at a party, going out TO the wrong party or booking a baby sitter who could be described as "a babe". Brittney may have lost custody, but she's got plenty of legal muscle, and could easily hire someone to take incrimminating pics from the neighbors' tree. So, no question he has to watch it. He can have it easy or fun, but not BOTH. As I always say - "Life is full of tradeoffs."

In one of President Bush's lighter moments of past years, he was caught wishing for a dictatorial government with himself, naturally, as dictator. China doen't quite have that, but the government operates its capital Beijing using some impressive powers that the local bigshots aren't afraid to use. The Olympic Games opens in a couple of weeks, and so some things just ABSOLUTELY have to get done. Mitt Romney could tell you what it's like, I'm sure. Your sailing venue is clogged with disgusting green slime? Put the army to work along with every big piece of earthmoving machinery in sight until the whole area (beach, too) is algae-free. Your city has a horrible reputation for bad air? No problem. Order people to stop driving. I would guess that the penalty for being caught at the wrong time and place behind the wheel would be...slime removal duty. Your city has a reputation of having a plain, Stalinist look? Use some of those giant Wal-Mart bucks to create some new jazzy-looking buildings, one of which is 750 feet tall and resembles a gigantic ancient ruin. And that one isn't even a sports venue! It all makes me want to pack my bags for Beijing - but only if I can arrive on a day when the cabs are rolling.