Sunday, February 05, 2012

A Minute of Being Mitt

Last week I was pretty hard on Gov. Chris Christie of New Jersey for saying what I thought were dumb things about an historical movement, the American Civil Rights Movement of the mid 20th century, at which time Christie was a child. Here's what's happened since. Christie apologized for suggesting that Civil Rights should have been settled by public votes in the various states. Fine. Apology accepted. He didn't, however, withdraw his characterization of a New Jersey state senator as "numb nuts", claiming that it was an expression his mother (!) had used. You's Mom's fault?

Mitt Romney doesn't say things that are funny too often, and so when he does, it's all right to compliment him. Standing near Donald Trump in the Las Vegas Trump Hotel/Casino/Wonderland or what ever he calls it, Mitt said: "There are some things you just can't imagine happening. This is one of them." I liked that. Just the right amount of understatement. Maybe it's not screamingly funny, and maybe he didn't think it up, but at least he hired the guy who did, so he deserves a little credit. Gosh knows I haven't been slathering praise on the guy, so just this once, it won't hurt.
In fact, I can think of a whole load of things that might have crossed Mitt's mind as he pretended to enjoy getting The Donald's endorsement. Here's a dozen or so:
1. If I had that guy's hair I'd kill myself.
2. One step closer to Ann and he's going down.
3. OK, I agreed to come to Trump's place even though it's ugly, but I drew the line at wearing one of those silly pink neckties.
4. This bozo talks rich, but he's not in my league, baby.
5. Talk about a guy who could use a visit from the missionaries!
6. I speak French. All he can do is talk smack.
7. Man, they must sell moisturizer by the gallon around here!
8. I made him sign a contract on this - No bimbos anywhere near the cameras!
9. How did this guy miss the draft? Hey, how did I miss it?
10. I bet he doesn't even own one of those "varmint guns" that got me so many votes four years ago.
11. Can we wrap this up? It's been five minutes and I feel like I need a shower!
12. I had some poor people hired to fly in and balance out the photo op a little, but they all got arrested for "social climbing". I guess that's a million bucks I won't see again.
13. I'm phoning this guy the day after I've won the election, and the first and only thing he'll be hearing is "You're fired!"

All right, I will grant you that I can't confirm much of this. But it's a little like knowing how Pat Robertson refers to his prayers as "daily meetings", or that Levi Johnston was hot for the idea of becoming Sarah Palin's Postmaster General. As with those two items recorded in past entries on this blog - You'll just have to trust me.


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