Monday, September 19, 2011

Thinking Big Thoughts

No, it's not me doing the big thinking. I would immediately be exposed as a fraud. Watching my old home boys play (they came back to win after looking bad early), and my alma mater stink up the field (0-40 the second half) to the team just up the road 40 miles or so, I would have been confused trying to think anything worth retaining. Let's just say that the ball takes funny bounces, and that having thirty-some bowls means that even the not-so-pretty girls get a chance to show their stuff after it's all played out. Anyway, my real favorite team plays women's tennis, and is a very respectable 6-1 so far.

Now, imagine, as I suppose we've all done in the past, what's going through someone else's mind, specifically Mitt Romney's. The inner dialog may go a bit like this: "Well, this campaign is generating a few ragged moments, but I'm the only one who's been through this before, and, over all, I can start to see things going my way.
"In fact, not to seem vain, but it may be time to think a little bit (just a little, mind you) about a running mate for the stretch run next year. Boy, if I learned anything during the last campaign, it was that this is a decision that can help or hurt your chances for the big prize. Even McCain, who's normally a guy who makes very few bonehead plays, sure put his foot in it when he rescued Sarah Palin from obscurity. It all hit her so fast and hard that she couldn't stop being obscure, undereducated, underprepared - just a bad choice. Poor guy probably lost the election right there, although he no doubt felt he had to hit a home run with her to win the election anyway. But I was just like everyone else. I winced every time her lips moved. Man, I can't make that kind of clunker decision. All this hanging out with either hicks or millionaires has to pay off better than what McCain got, no question.
"But what about the person I choose? He (and I can't forget that it could be a woman - anyway that's what Goldman Sachs tells me) first off has to be honest. No plotting. No screaming just to try to make the other side look bad, no making things up and no personal vendettas out of the VP's office. Whatever I put him in charge of, he'll have to know at least as much about as I do. Heck, nobody knows everything, and so he could be a very valuable person.
"In fact, he should know about some very specific things that an investment banker/New England governor may not have had to deal with before. Things like weapons, agricultural subsidies, immigration, terrorism, and our international standing. Sure, I spent two years meeting folks in France, but that was almost fifty years ago. There sure weren't any black French tennis pros then, I can tell you that.
"But the guy will have to be straight with me. A president has opponents around every corner. Heck, half of Washington thinks they could do the job better than me. So the last thing I need is a guy with his own secret agenda, who's looking out first for himself or his friends. The Constitution gives the VP very little power for a reason - the country has to speak with one voice - MINE. If a former VP writes a book, it had better refer more often to the president than to himself. Otherwise we know it's his own plans that are going to be top of the list.
"The country has to have faith in the VP. He can't be a hack or someone out to make a market killing. When I tell him to go to a state funeral somewhere, that's IT! He's going, even if it's a fourteen-hour plane ride.
"So he's got to be honest, loyal, hardworking, preferably younger than me, though not as good-looking. And he can't be found to be a guy who's been watching porn, either. I won't stand for that. R-rated movies, OK, but only if they get the "R" for violence. Not that other stuff."

Of course, only Mitt himself knows what he's really thinking. But he did have a word or two to say on the VP thing just last week in Arizona. He said he'd pick a VP like....Dick Cheney, whom he described as a person of "wisdom and judgment." Oy. If someone I know was to say that, I'd check out his back to see if the dementia hooks were already dragging him to the last roundup. After all, shouldn't big thoughts lead us away from tiny conclusions?


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