Monday, November 26, 2007

Late Fall Rumors

If I, your humble pundit, didn't have claim to the inside scoop on certain things, then I wouldn't have much claim on being a pundit, would I? In an effort, therefore, to keep my license to blather intact, here is some choice stuff I'm sure you haven't heard.
Jerry Seinfeld's flic "Bee Movie" is a commercial, if not especially a critical success. Doing the rounds of promotion, Seinfeld appeared on "Charlie Rose" and admitted to the host that he will do just about anything to get his three young children to laugh. The rumor? His next production will feature just Seinfeld himself making faces and strange noises at the camera for 90 minutes. This opus will also be marketed differently: 50 cents a ticket and continuous shows from 5 AM until 7 PM, when the regular movie crowd shows up. That way the under-5 crowd will get plenty of looks at it.
Toastmasters International, the subject of last week's blog, is considering a new way to be paid for services rendered. Since many a marriage has been lengthened by letting non-member spouses go without hearing all the opinions coming from the mind of the Toastmaster spouse, the club may now charge a fee based on the member spouse's promise to NOT give speeches at home. Anyway, that's the rumor. The no-listen fee would be negotiable.
They finally found a way to intercept and translate messages sent between whales. Some of it, frankly, is kind of boring: "Hey, baby. Get to this ocean often?" That kind of thing. One message, though, was picked up last week which came out "Warning. The humans are hunting whales again after 40 years of leaving us alone. Avoid all human contact. Run silent. Run deep, and for gosh sakes, stop singing!" Another project to crack the code of camels hasn't turned up much except the noises which evidently translate to "Death to America!"and "Got any water?"
Finally, we have a niece who lives in southern California. She's the mother of a three year-old. Before heading out to church recently, she asked him if Jesus had ever spoken to him. "Yes", answered the toddler. "Really? What did he say to you?" the mother asked. "He spoke Spanish" was all she could get from him. Rumor has it, though, that she's still trying to get the message, syllable by syllable to have something to translate. So far it's "ee'-hoe bway'-no."


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